Friday, April 20, 2012

When is a guy being "creepy"?

Have I written about feminism?

To the extent feminism is about empowering women, making sex more accessible and enjoyable and getting past society using sexuality as a cudgel of social control, I'm with the feminists.

But when feminism becomes the cudgel for social control and attacking men, that's where I part ways with feminists.

In Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer wrote, "Why Guys Really Hate Being Called ‘Creepy’".


BTW, I don't hate being called "creepy". I remember reading in Playboy that if a woman rejects a guy at a bar and says his overture was inappropriate, what she really means in most cases is he wasn't her type.

Schwyzer's piece suggests that a group of women think they have found something really powerful to use against guys: calling them creeps for being "inappropriate".

OK, fine. What's inappropriate? Stuff that's against the law? Unwanted sexual contact? Sexual harassment? Fine.

Hitting on a woman and not taking "no" for an answer. I'll go along with calling that guy a "creep" if he's persistent after he's been rejected.

But how far do proponents of this campaign want to take it?

One of my observations is that women don't like to get hit on by guys they perceive as lacking social status. And Schwyzer's piece acknowledges a problem of the "creep campaign":
Though the word may be occasionally used unfairly (for example, to describe a physically unattractive guy's genuinely respectful attempt at striking up a conversation), "creepy" serves a vital function. No other word is as effective as describing when a man has crossed a woman's boundary; no other word forces a man to reflect on how his behavior makes other people feel. [italics added]
Ah, the problem of how women feel.

While there is stuff society does that constitutes psychological warfare on women, I have a hard time swallowing the idea that men are supposed to be responsible for how women interpret getting hit on.

Having been in relationships, I'm aware that women sometimes manufacture feelings that reflect insecurities and past experiences. And aren't the result of how the guy acted.

As my first girlfriend taught me, "You are responsible for how you feel." If you're not comfortable being hit on, maybe you have the problem, not the "creep" hitting on you.

The problem of the creep campaign is that the proponents have decided on the weapon (the word "creep"); they have decided who the weapon is to be used against (men); but they aren't clear on what offenses deserve to get a guy labeled a "creep".

Something tells me this campaign is going to be more popular with lesbians and professional feminists than with hetero women playing the field.

1 comment:

  1. I didn't know "creep shaming" was a thing. So should women feel offended if men call them a creep? Creepiness is a 2 way street. It's not just a gender specific thing.

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